See You Laters

I had started to write a post that was a bit reflective, a bit sad, a bit thankful, and perhaps a bit whiny. And it felt wrong. I've been thinking about how I want to reflect on my last two years, the wonderful people I've met, and what I think I've accomplished. 

I have a lot to be thankful for and the last couple of days have reiterated that. I've had two best friends leave me for New York in a 3 day period, not to mention the other friends that have left/moved on to do awesome things which I have been sad about but I'm realizing now that I am one lucky person to know these people.

I feel like I've hit the jackpot of best friends - I have a best friend from each stage of my life that I still consider my best friend, plus I married one of them. How awesome is that?

My elementary school best friend is hanging out in Spain, being a cultural ambassador! My middle school bff has twin girls that I get to watch grow up. I married my first hs bff and he's going to be an amazing dentist. My second high school bff is going to be an AWESOME teacher. My undergrad bff is getting her doctorate. And now my grad school bff has just moved to NYC to be an awesome social worker. I could not have planned to surround myself with better people.

I question the decisions that I've made in life, sometimes, but when I've had the opportunities to meet the people I have met and to form the relationships and mentorships that I have, I know that I made all of the best decisions for me.

When I talk about how I am simply a social construction, I mean that my gender, my race, my sexual orientation are all determined by what society had created. But I also hope that I am constructed by those I surround myself. I only surround myself with people who encourage me, who make me a better person, and who challenge me in constructive and helpful ways.

So to my best friends, thank you. and I love you all with every fiber of my being.

and to those who have been there with me along the way these past two years, thank you. it's been a ride.



Welp. I've completed my master's program. In two weeks, I'll walk across a stage, again, receive a diploma {cover}, get hooded, shake hands, and probably cry. I'll put three letters at the end of my signature (all the time) and I'll feel successful. Well, almost. I've got a little birdie in my ear that keeps saying "Kayt, what you really want is a PhD." And I just keep flicking it away...because I need a break. I'm pretty mentally and emotionally exhausted. Especially after the past few months. So I'm looking forward to May 18th.

But I'm not looking forward to the inevitable good-byes which seem to be starting all too soon. I don't deal well  with separation. At all. Partly because I think that I love a bit too fiercely for my own good. And partly because, well, my life has been filled with all sorts of untimely separations. And my feelings get hurt a bit too easily, probably. Which is why I keep saying that I'm just going to collect all of my people and keep them with me. All of the time.

It probably doesn't help that there is just the large UNKNOWN looming in front of me. The type of unknown that begs the question: was it worth it? and did you make the right decision two years ago? I feel REALLY GOOD about where I am right now. But sometimes I don't feel so good. Like when I think about how maybe I should've gotten a masters in higher education. or something like that. But I am where I need to be. I trust in that.

So for now, I'm going to read some books that I borrowed from the library/books I've been waiting to read for awhile.* And I'm going to be okay with where I am. Because one day, things that need to happen, will happen. and I'll be okay then...

*Books are:
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Jazz - Toni Morrison
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer
Atypical: Life with Asperger's in 20 1/3 Chapters - Jesse Saperstein
The Whipping Girl: Julia Serano