I'm feeling particularly grateful...

...which may be a little about the time of year (Thanksgiving and all) but also a little bit about my procrastinating on school work.

And often I think about all I have to be grateful for and it's amazing. I have so many wonderful things going on in my life right now and I'm extremely humbled by what I have. There is this facebook thing goin' around about the 20 people you are grateful for. I like it, but I don't necessarily wanna do it there. So I thought I would do something similar here. That being said, I'm going to list just a few of the people/things that I am grateful for in no particular order.

1. Benjamin. because you get me. and because I get you. and we still love each other. which is amazing.
2. Mama. because you are my rock always. and you listen to me scream with tears running down my face and can still remember to tell me to breathe.
3. DC. because I always remember the one night and the many night since that I have felt protected and loved by you.
4. Gma and Gpa. because you have been supportive even when I know it was hard to be supportive. and I'm pretty grateful I have a relationship with you.
5. Anna. because you listen without judgment and you get it. even when you don't get it, you get it. because our relatively short relationship doesn't seem so short at all.
6. Josh. because sometimes you need a crazy story to tell. and a best friend to do crazy things with.
7. Courtney. because you care so much and love so vehemently.
8. Jimmy. because sometimes you need the person you've been friends with for lots of years.
9. School. because I'm so lucky to have the opportunity to continue challenging myself and learning.
10. Ross. because sometimes guidance and role modeling should include Arrested Development quotes and snarky sarcasm.
11. Brown School friends. because sometimes we can't have filters but we still need people to understand that we can't always have filters.
12. Donald and Ella. because sometimes I need a reason to color in coloring books and read children's stories and live the childhood I didn't really have.
13. Laughter. because sometimes a workout should include abs that hurt from laughing and cheeks that hurt from smiling.
14. Health. because I have safe water and access to health care, which many people can not say.
15. Art. because art in any form provides outlets for emotion and provides aesthetically pleasing stimuli which make me happy.
16. Rex. because you make Mama happy and you do for me as though I were your own. 
17. Megan P. because you have encouraged me to be the best ally I can be.
18. freedom. because my well-being relies on being able to challenge and question and go against the status-quo.
19. Sue Asher. because you have been an unexpected source of TONS of support for several years.
20. My UofI family. because even though I'm not there and I miss you all like no other, I know that there is still a support system in place if I need to call upon it.

Clearly I'm thankful for much more than this. And perhaps I will expand upon this list because I'm also thankful for a lot of arbitrary things like Nerd candy, the internet, rice, books, and coffee(shops) but not for any deeper of a reason than they give me sensory pleasure somehow. I clearly also missed a lot of people who are very important to me. But it feels like a good time to express some of this, at least, it's as good a time as any.
now back to this midterm that nags at me.


Here comes the...

...person who happens to be walking down the aisle.

Just kidding, but seriously..I'm not a bride. I don't feel like a bride. And I don't want to feel like a "bride." A bride is someone (or something) that is ornate. I am not an ornate person. I don't like feeling ornate. I like feeling comfortable. and simpy. but classy. yet casual. that's me. Do you know how many brides are like me? none. (that's a lie)

But when searching for wedding dresses, that's what it felt like. We (and by "we," I mean "I"..) tried on like 800 dresses which was really more like 15 dresses total, but it seemed like 800. And not one screamed "pick me because you'll feel comfortable and look classy while being simple and conveying the casualness of your wedding" or anything even remotely like that. As a matter of fact, most of them that I tried on said "well, maybe, but only if you want to feel stuffy or self-conscious or like a glutton because you just spent $300 on a dress you don't REALLY want." So anyway, Mom and I did the whole "Mom and daughter go dress shopping and have wonderful bonding moments over how beautiful the daughter is in the dresses and how wonderful her wedding day will be" except it was more like "Mom and daughter go dress shopping and have hilarious bonding moments over how awkward daughter looks in dresses and how ridiculous dress shop workers are and how hilarious the wedding will be because it is so unwedding like."
Good times.
But then, something just short of a miracle happened. We went to a well-known dress shop in my hometown. It was a last ditch effort and we had extremely low expectations. I didn't even try on a dress the first time I went in because we had been working in the attic all day and smelled like we had been working in the attic all day. We found a couple dresses that, I'll admit, on the hanger were not the most appealing but we decided we'd come back and see what we thought for real. And we did. And I found THE ONE. The One that is The One besides Ben. I tried on a dress and it felt like pajamas. And there was no beading or lacyness (though I had grown fond of lace, which is UBER strange). And it is chic. But super comfy. Basically it covered all four of my criteria (see first paragraph for criteria).
Now you may be saying, "Yes, Kaytlin, but surely this magical dress required your life savings and the promise of your first born child. Is it really worth it?"
Let me tell you, my friend, that it did not ask such things. As a matter of fact, it was LESS THAN HALF of what those poser dresses asked of me. Shh. this dress does NOT realize its worth.

So that's been a WONDERFUL thing to check off my list of wedding type things. Besides that I got this little thing we like to call a PRACTICUM in Brown School.

Actually this is a huge deal, if you didn't catch my poorly executed written sarcasm. It may be the biggest source of stress and subsequently the biggest sigh of relief that a first year student feels. It's at this lovely place called Stepping Stones to Success, Inc. They do workshops and programming around leadership, diversity and anti-bias, AND sex ed. It's like it's custom made for me. Plus it's a sweet deal that comes with laptop, printer, and desk. Huzzah.

 As for the things I discussed in my last blog, well, most of the air has been cleared. Life has calmed down considerably.
I have this feeling, though, that I'm forgetting to inform you of something.

**edit: that thing was the fact that I'm the new co-chair of Outlook,the Brown school's LGBTQA group, which I'm super excited about, despite what my forgetting may convey**

alright. well, I'm gonna go because actually while I'm attempting to be witty writing here I should be spending this energy writing a midterm, or a life assessment paper, or my gender presentation.
g'nite my loves (all 3 of you, ha)