So today hasn't been the greatest day for my opinion of the Brown School.
First, the WRC at U of I posted some pictures from a few of the amazing events from last year which made me miss all those good times. Plus I had long hair. Which is just weird.
Then I found out that some of the faculty at Brown School are debbie-downers and like to rain on my social justice parade. Which is likely to have not happened at U of I..and if it had, I at least would have known who had my back. Here...not so much. which makes me miss U of I that much more.
I don't understand why rocking the boat and asking difficult questions is so frowned upon here. For instance, WHY exactly doesn't the school of social work at a supposedly liberal school (granted, we are in Missouri so it probably is about as liberal as it gets here) not have gender neutral bathrooms? And why am I being discouraged (oh so subtly) from advocating for them. Isn't that in our NASW code of ethics? yes. in fact it is. I should know because I've had to read them approximately 873,203 times. And that was just first semester. Apparently we like status quo here...so I probably should have specified in my essays coming into this program that that's just not how I roll. Oops.
Perhaps if that was my only let-down, it wouldn't be so bad. Oh, misfortune!
Hopefully some of the meetings I have coming up will assuage my disappointment. But alas.
So you want so good news now? HOW ABOUT PHOTO BOOTH PROPS?!
Instead of paying some money (what Ben may call too much) for a proper photo booth, we are going to put photo booth props on the tables and potentially put together a makeshift photobooth. We aren't the proper type anyway.
I'm pretty excited about it, because I mean, who doesn't love a mustache on a stick? I certainly do and if you don't, you are no friend of mine. (well, you might be, I'm not trying to make that generalization). And we're starting on the pinwheels and all that good stuff, so work will actually be getting done.
And this weekend I have the first of my training for the Anytown camp, which is really exciting to me because I want to flex my diversity brain muscles again. Also because I came up with a really awesome idea and I want to flesh it out. More on that later.
It's summertime, which I'm using to get my foot in the door with some admin here and to get my activist agenda moving plus it's wedding crunch time - well, as crunchy as crunch time gets for me and Ben. Things are happening. I just hope they keep moving in the direction I want and that these "setbacks" are few and far between.
hugs,
kayt
4.26.2011
odd mood
lots of people asked me today and the day before if I was okay. which I found to be odd. I mean, I'm not particularly NOT okay...i just feel....odd.
The way I described it was that my head and body felt all buzzy. I don't know how else to describe it. I imagine it's sort of what restless leg syndrome feels like only in your brain and your whole body.
I imagine that this has a heck of a lot to do with classes finishing up and me not quite being ready for that. But there's probably a little bit of that that has to do with wedding-ness and all of the stuff that goes along with that.
Sometimes I get all existential and think about my reality versus what I imagine other people imagine is my reality. You know...like I think about what people must think about my life versus how my life has played out. And I wonder if there is a disconnect. In some ways, with some people, I KNOW there is a disconnect. And I wish there were an easier way to bridge that gap. but sometimes that feels selfish.
Like today, I know I was in a weird mood from my conversation with ma last night. Again, not particularly bad but also not particularly good. And people continue to ask if I'm okay. which leads to a couple of things for me.
1. If this is what I'm like in a weird mood and people notice...what am I like in an un-weird mood that people identify with more? In other words, what makes me seem normal?
and 2. How and am I able to truly convey the meaning of the oddness without seeming like I'm digging for something in particular? Can I say that it's because of this seemingly random happenstance of my family discussing my father/my mother's life story without me there and I'm still struggling with it? (I know I CAN say that...) but can I say it in a way that doesn't sound purposefully vague or like I'm fishing for questions? Because that's what it sounds like to me..and I don't want to sound like that. I'm also not opposed to answering questions. It's a strange predicament.
but yeah. so that's the strange mood I'm in. compounded with school work, it seems stressful. And yet, I blog. Oh life.
The way I described it was that my head and body felt all buzzy. I don't know how else to describe it. I imagine it's sort of what restless leg syndrome feels like only in your brain and your whole body.
I imagine that this has a heck of a lot to do with classes finishing up and me not quite being ready for that. But there's probably a little bit of that that has to do with wedding-ness and all of the stuff that goes along with that.
Sometimes I get all existential and think about my reality versus what I imagine other people imagine is my reality. You know...like I think about what people must think about my life versus how my life has played out. And I wonder if there is a disconnect. In some ways, with some people, I KNOW there is a disconnect. And I wish there were an easier way to bridge that gap. but sometimes that feels selfish.
Like today, I know I was in a weird mood from my conversation with ma last night. Again, not particularly bad but also not particularly good. And people continue to ask if I'm okay. which leads to a couple of things for me.
1. If this is what I'm like in a weird mood and people notice...what am I like in an un-weird mood that people identify with more? In other words, what makes me seem normal?
and 2. How and am I able to truly convey the meaning of the oddness without seeming like I'm digging for something in particular? Can I say that it's because of this seemingly random happenstance of my family discussing my father/my mother's life story without me there and I'm still struggling with it? (I know I CAN say that...) but can I say it in a way that doesn't sound purposefully vague or like I'm fishing for questions? Because that's what it sounds like to me..and I don't want to sound like that. I'm also not opposed to answering questions. It's a strange predicament.
but yeah. so that's the strange mood I'm in. compounded with school work, it seems stressful. And yet, I blog. Oh life.
4.08.2011
Fair Warning: This will be a political blog
So the government is approximately 4 and a half hours away from a shut down. That says something about the place we're in. When we've become too stubborn and ideological to see logical compromises. While my heart hurts because of the repercussions this shut down will have for minority and underprivileged populations, I think that this could be the reality check that 'Merica needs.
I think this could be the opportunity to show that, as a matter of fact, we aren't "hot shit," if you know what I mean. We aren't World Saviors, we aren't Better Than Everyone, we aren't Democracy Leaders because, you know what, our current leaders don't know what democracy means. A bold statement, I know, but in some ways it's true. There's this ethnocentric assumption that because we are born in the supposed "Land of the Free" that we automatically operate under democratic assumptions and ideals but that's really not true. These are things that we have to be taught and we have to learn how to execute. And with textbook reforms and muddled lessons in civics because ofnecessary budget cuts to education - we might never have the opportunity to learn how to do that.
We also assume that because we live in a "democratic society" that we are the world leaders and the teachers of democracy. But let's be honest, how many people in this country are well-versed and have experience in starting a democratic society? None. Because WE didn't start this democratic society. It was started 250ish years ago by people who WEREN'T politicians and who WERE humble. They probably wouldn't have accepted $100,000 (or the equivalent at that time) while their military and the rest of the country couldn't pay rent and buy groceries because their pay has been frozen.
They probably also wouldn't have placed the federal budget into an ideological stalemate. Because you know what the founders of this country were good at? (Hint: it's not Christianity) - They were really good at compromise. And real compromise...not that one party folds. Remember when we had people like the "Great Compromiser" - Henry Clay who fought hard to ensure that everyone got a little bit of what they wanted? Who is that guy now? Oh right. He doesn't exist.
So perhaps we need to understand that we fail stuff, too. Let's lay off the gays for supposedlyruining marriage and the Muslims for practicing religion freely in a country where freedom of/from religion/religious persecution was the founding principle and acknowledge that, oh hey, sometimes the white straight male folks (and some white straight females) ain't so great, huh? Because the white. straight, male/female folks are giving themselves a pay check while preventing those women from protecting themselves, preventing clean air from even having a chance to exist in our beloved country, and preventing free thought from being thunk, and if that's democracy...it sucks. A lot.
I'm grateful for the freedoms I have. I'm grateful that I can say these things without fear of persecution. I'm grateful I'm a woman who has had the opportunity to go to school (heavily relying on Federal loans, yes). But just because I'm grateful for my state of being, that doesn't mean I'm happy and complacent with the state of being for others. Because that's what being a social worker means: acknowledging the privilege that you possess but not being content with that privilege because SOMEONE ELSE didn't have that opportunity. AND THAT'S NOT FAIR. THAT'S NOT JUSTICE. THAT'S NOT FREEDOM. It is my responsibility to create fairness, justice, and freedom in every way I can...even if that is just words on an infrequently read blog.
I think this could be the opportunity to show that, as a matter of fact, we aren't "hot shit," if you know what I mean. We aren't World Saviors, we aren't Better Than Everyone, we aren't Democracy Leaders because, you know what, our current leaders don't know what democracy means. A bold statement, I know, but in some ways it's true. There's this ethnocentric assumption that because we are born in the supposed "Land of the Free" that we automatically operate under democratic assumptions and ideals but that's really not true. These are things that we have to be taught and we have to learn how to execute. And with textbook reforms and muddled lessons in civics because of
We also assume that because we live in a "democratic society" that we are the world leaders and the teachers of democracy. But let's be honest, how many people in this country are well-versed and have experience in starting a democratic society? None. Because WE didn't start this democratic society. It was started 250ish years ago by people who WEREN'T politicians and who WERE humble. They probably wouldn't have accepted $100,000 (or the equivalent at that time) while their military and the rest of the country couldn't pay rent and buy groceries because their pay has been frozen.
They probably also wouldn't have placed the federal budget into an ideological stalemate. Because you know what the founders of this country were good at? (Hint: it's not Christianity) - They were really good at compromise. And real compromise...not that one party folds. Remember when we had people like the "Great Compromiser" - Henry Clay who fought hard to ensure that everyone got a little bit of what they wanted? Who is that guy now? Oh right. He doesn't exist.
So perhaps we need to understand that we fail stuff, too. Let's lay off the gays for supposedly
I'm grateful for the freedoms I have. I'm grateful that I can say these things without fear of persecution. I'm grateful I'm a woman who has had the opportunity to go to school (heavily relying on Federal loans, yes). But just because I'm grateful for my state of being, that doesn't mean I'm happy and complacent with the state of being for others. Because that's what being a social worker means: acknowledging the privilege that you possess but not being content with that privilege because SOMEONE ELSE didn't have that opportunity. AND THAT'S NOT FAIR. THAT'S NOT JUSTICE. THAT'S NOT FREEDOM. It is my responsibility to create fairness, justice, and freedom in every way I can...even if that is just words on an infrequently read blog.
3.30.2011
Getting Closer...
So we're closing in quickly on the 3 month mark til the day. And yet, nothing much in my demeanor has changed. I don't feel any more or less antsy (I'm letting Ma handle all of those nervous feelings). We've had a couple more conversations about how we want it to actually look but eh, not really. We're both so busy that we hardly have time to decide what to do for dinner (at 9pm, mind you) much less what our wedding 3 months from now is going to look like.
That being said - HOLY CRAP THE WEDDING IS 3(ish) MONTHS FROM NOW. where did all that time go? oh right. to the abyss that is professional school. eff.
and that's a little insight to how I deal with all of this. I am goooooooooooood and then I'M NOT. that's how I handle life, though, I mean, if we're being honest. (which I am).
I appreciate my friends (new and old) more and more though - because in some ways they force me to think about these things (which I should be thinking about if I really want it to happen with any particular flair) but they also allow me to poopoo the wedding and shake it off like it's no big deal.
because it's not a big deal. and then sometimes it is.
conflict is my middle name, by the way.
and then sometimes, really funny or awesome things pop up places and make me real happy and make me forget things like school, practicum, wedding, and family drama. Things like:
**[thank goodness for autosave because in order to look for this link, I accidentally click exit on this window...ugh]**
or things like a good friend's birthday. Which, speaking of, you should go visit my good friend Jillian's page (which I know I've linked before) and enter her fabulous birthday giveaway - I mean because really? Who else gives stuff away on their birthday? She does. Because that's how awesome she is. Oh and while you are there, you should probably vote for her blog in the top baby blog contest (which is at the bottom of her page) - because her son, Cash, is the most darling baby boy. Darling!
you can also click there. because that will be awesome, too.
anyway, it's the small things in life that make you happy. and it's important to be grateful for all things - including that really bad, gonna make the wedding awkward but unique, sort of stuff.
hugs,
kaytlin
That being said - HOLY CRAP THE WEDDING IS 3(ish) MONTHS FROM NOW. where did all that time go? oh right. to the abyss that is professional school. eff.
and that's a little insight to how I deal with all of this. I am goooooooooooood and then I'M NOT. that's how I handle life, though, I mean, if we're being honest. (which I am).
I appreciate my friends (new and old) more and more though - because in some ways they force me to think about these things (which I should be thinking about if I really want it to happen with any particular flair) but they also allow me to poopoo the wedding and shake it off like it's no big deal.
because it's not a big deal. and then sometimes it is.
conflict is my middle name, by the way.
and then sometimes, really funny or awesome things pop up places and make me real happy and make me forget things like school, practicum, wedding, and family drama. Things like:
**[thank goodness for autosave because in order to look for this link, I accidentally click exit on this window...ugh]**
or things like a good friend's birthday. Which, speaking of, you should go visit my good friend Jillian's page (which I know I've linked before) and enter her fabulous birthday giveaway - I mean because really? Who else gives stuff away on their birthday? She does. Because that's how awesome she is. Oh and while you are there, you should probably vote for her blog in the top baby blog contest (which is at the bottom of her page) - because her son, Cash, is the most darling baby boy. Darling!
you can also click there. because that will be awesome, too.
anyway, it's the small things in life that make you happy. and it's important to be grateful for all things - including that really bad, gonna make the wedding awkward but unique, sort of stuff.
hugs,
kaytlin
3.20.2011
For the one that I love
Today marks the 6th year that I've been with the love of my life and the 1st year of our engagement.
Sometimes I think back at all we've been through and its been a lifetime of things...already.
Together, we've survived:
I love you, Benjamin Ian, with all my heart.
Sometimes I think back at all we've been through and its been a lifetime of things...already.
Together, we've survived:
- The tragic and sudden deaths of not one, but 2 classmates in high school.
- Graduating high school and embarking on an exciting new journey together to college.
- A devastating 1st semester of college, complete with clinical depression and medication.
- Becoming an aunt and uncle 3 times over.
- The death of his wonderful grandmother followed by...
- The death of his wonderful father. (RIP Chuck)
- Establishing our first "home" on our college campus.
- Establishing our family away family at U of I.
- The end of therapy and medication
- Political Activism complete with being FOIA'd
- A road trip that spanned 22 days and only 5 showers
- Getting accepted into our first choice graduate and professional schools.
- Graduating from college.
- Moving 160 miles back home to our next home together.
- A 600+ beer bottle collection
- Getting engaged.
- Family madness because we're engaged (and they realize what that means come wedding day)
- Planning a wedding
- Cold feet (in the literal sense, not the figurative one)
- Dental School and Social Work school
I love you, Benjamin Ian, with all my heart.
3.09.2011
I know I just blogged but...
no news is better than the news of the day.
Today has been an awful day for women and those sympathetic to people in general. Feministing does a pretty good job of explaining the articles and expressing the outrage...but yet I still feel the need to put in my two cents...because, well, that's what I do.
Let's start with the child who was gang-raped by so-called "men." Who could possibly think that an 11 year old girl ever deserves this? Who could think that an 11 year old girl would even know that this would be a possibility? Who could have sympathy for the 18 (EIGHTEEN) men who did this? The New York Times and the citizens of Cleveland, Texas (Oh Texas, how little faith I continue to have in you). The victim-blame that is abound throughout this article is disgusting. It's disgusting EVERY TIME there is victim blame for something as horrendous and unforgivable as rape - however, there's a certain level of pathology that is reached when this blame is targeted at a child who can't even get into a pg-13 movie. There should be mass amounts of shame placed upon those citizens..or better yet, how about some education about what it means for an 11 year old girl to be gang-raped and it's her mother's fault that she was there in the first place. Maybe we should all share a bit of that shame, too. Because after all, we all live in this place called America where, in all honesty, we can expect those statements from individuals. Perhaps if we own that, we can begin to fix it. [perhaps not] We might not like to take that blame, but similar to privilege, if we other the perpetrators in a way that places ALL of the onus on the individual than we do nothing to affect change within the larger culture...
...the larger culture that says it's still okay to kill a person because they seem different/wrong. Granted, this takes place in Arkansas and well, things work a little different there. For instance, hate crimes apparently don't exist/don't matter there. It would be nice if they didn't exist and that is why there is no need for legislation/protection - but this woman is a perfect example of how, in fact, Arkansas, a place where a town is proudly named after a former KKK member, breeds hate for difference. And then continue to rub it in the face of the trans community by ignoring the proper pronouns through police reporting and then, subsequently, new reporting. (Because in no way does news reporting or journalism include checking the facts on your own - wait...that doesn't seem right..ugh) What is it that makes it so hard to respect PEOPLE? Just people, regardless of their state of being...whether that aligns with how we think it "should" be...should respect be the basis of ALL interactions? But then again..that might be too simple. and what is respect? I mean, I certainly don't have any respect for those folks down there who have committed huge injustices to this woman (and then fixed it..because of advocacy pressures)...
...speaking of injustices to women...Kappa Sigs at USC have illustrated what is perhaps one of the greatest insults to anyone who has a vagina. I don't even have words for this except that it makes me want to punch puppies in the face. Including this puppy:
...and trust me, that's saying a lot..because I LOVE this puppy. So much.
(also, this is a cute puppy so maybe this whole blog won't be such a downer)...
this all comes in the aftermath of what has been the most low-key and fraught over International Women's Day since IWD came into my knowledge (approx. 4 years ago). I don't know if it the current political state of our State (yes) or if it is simply that I'm on a campus that seems apathetic, at best (yes) but it is sort of disturbing. It's times like these that I crave my old stomping ground so I can rant and rage with several people in one setting (WRC/SJED) and walk out not feeling better but rather feeling validated. Instead - I rage with friends via FB and Blahg...and hope that typing it out will release some rage..
we need help, people. this whole place...needs help. i wanna help..who's with me?
Today has been an awful day for women and those sympathetic to people in general. Feministing does a pretty good job of explaining the articles and expressing the outrage...but yet I still feel the need to put in my two cents...because, well, that's what I do.
Let's start with the child who was gang-raped by so-called "men." Who could possibly think that an 11 year old girl ever deserves this? Who could think that an 11 year old girl would even know that this would be a possibility? Who could have sympathy for the 18 (EIGHTEEN) men who did this? The New York Times and the citizens of Cleveland, Texas (Oh Texas, how little faith I continue to have in you). The victim-blame that is abound throughout this article is disgusting. It's disgusting EVERY TIME there is victim blame for something as horrendous and unforgivable as rape - however, there's a certain level of pathology that is reached when this blame is targeted at a child who can't even get into a pg-13 movie. There should be mass amounts of shame placed upon those citizens..or better yet, how about some education about what it means for an 11 year old girl to be gang-raped and it's her mother's fault that she was there in the first place. Maybe we should all share a bit of that shame, too. Because after all, we all live in this place called America where, in all honesty, we can expect those statements from individuals. Perhaps if we own that, we can begin to fix it. [perhaps not] We might not like to take that blame, but similar to privilege, if we other the perpetrators in a way that places ALL of the onus on the individual than we do nothing to affect change within the larger culture...
...the larger culture that says it's still okay to kill a person because they seem different/wrong. Granted, this takes place in Arkansas and well, things work a little different there. For instance, hate crimes apparently don't exist/don't matter there. It would be nice if they didn't exist and that is why there is no need for legislation/protection - but this woman is a perfect example of how, in fact, Arkansas, a place where a town is proudly named after a former KKK member, breeds hate for difference. And then continue to rub it in the face of the trans community by ignoring the proper pronouns through police reporting and then, subsequently, new reporting. (Because in no way does news reporting or journalism include checking the facts on your own - wait...that doesn't seem right..ugh) What is it that makes it so hard to respect PEOPLE? Just people, regardless of their state of being...whether that aligns with how we think it "should" be...should respect be the basis of ALL interactions? But then again..that might be too simple. and what is respect? I mean, I certainly don't have any respect for those folks down there who have committed huge injustices to this woman (and then fixed it..because of advocacy pressures)...
...speaking of injustices to women...Kappa Sigs at USC have illustrated what is perhaps one of the greatest insults to anyone who has a vagina. I don't even have words for this except that it makes me want to punch puppies in the face. Including this puppy:
(also, this is a cute puppy so maybe this whole blog won't be such a downer)...
this all comes in the aftermath of what has been the most low-key and fraught over International Women's Day since IWD came into my knowledge (approx. 4 years ago). I don't know if it the current political state of our State (yes) or if it is simply that I'm on a campus that seems apathetic, at best (yes) but it is sort of disturbing. It's times like these that I crave my old stomping ground so I can rant and rage with several people in one setting (WRC/SJED) and walk out not feeling better but rather feeling validated. Instead - I rage with friends via FB and Blahg...and hope that typing it out will release some rage..
we need help, people. this whole place...needs help. i wanna help..who's with me?
3.08.2011
Revelations (or How Crying In Class Makes Me Think)
So I had a breakdown. In a class. Of eight people.
And then I continued to cry throughout the day and even some this morning. All because we were talking about prisons.
I'm not the type to get upset easily about this sort of stuff. I've dealt with a lot of my past through exposure (talking about it) and therapy (expensive talking about it). At school, I generally try to be a chill person because the environment at school is already to high strung for my liking. People get way too...(*&(*^)(*&! about stuff. I'm not saying that passion isn't great..but constructive passion is better than explosive passion (in my opinion).
So anyway...the fact that I got SO frustrated/upset/I don't even know about some comments made about prisons (which, by the way, is not my "thing" precisely because I know it's too close) makes me feel embarrassed. I would have rather I had done anything BUT cry. But that's what I do, I suppose.
So what I consequently thought about after the fact were a few things:
1. I'm angry that I got upset about that and that I get upset about what people think/say but I'm MORE upset over the fact that I have a reason to know that what they are saying is wrong. I'm angry that this is part of my personal history. And I'm sort of angry Idon't get to just don't talk about it that much. [maybe]...
2. Perhaps I'm more stressed about Dad coming subconsciously than I think. And maybe that's only a part of it. maybe it's also that I'm angry that I have to be worried about Dad coming to my wedding. Because people think he hasn't changed (which is what [I felt] the chunk of that discussion in class was saying: criminals can't change and prisons are shit [which they are a little bit]) so that could have been the nerve hit.
3. and finally, I have some really fabulous people in my life. I mean, seriously. There are a lot of people who care about me and not everyone can say that. I have a wonderful partner who knows that when I cry, it's not the end of the world. I have a mother who will talk to me for an entire car ride home about the same stuff we've been talking about for the past 15 years. I have glorious friends who know exactly what to say when I need them to say it. and I have teacher and mentors who care about me every step of the way - even when I'm out of their immediate surroundings or when I've just recently entered them. That's pretty awesome, if I do say so.
But even after these thoughts and even thinking about that class now...I get teary eyed. and it just reminds me that I have anger and I have frustration. and it needs to go somewhere. and I SHOULDN'T be embarrassed. and this is part of ME and who I am. and I should deal with it. somehow.
so here I sit, thinking about this and many other things (international women's day, gender neutral bathrooms, class, spring break, etc.) and i am simultaneously feeling grateful and sad. and that's odd. but I'm sitting with it and handling it. and I'm proud of that.
And then I continued to cry throughout the day and even some this morning. All because we were talking about prisons.
I'm not the type to get upset easily about this sort of stuff. I've dealt with a lot of my past through exposure (talking about it) and therapy (expensive talking about it). At school, I generally try to be a chill person because the environment at school is already to high strung for my liking. People get way too...(*&(*^)(*&! about stuff. I'm not saying that passion isn't great..but constructive passion is better than explosive passion (in my opinion).
So anyway...the fact that I got SO frustrated/upset/I don't even know about some comments made about prisons (which, by the way, is not my "thing" precisely because I know it's too close) makes me feel embarrassed. I would have rather I had done anything BUT cry. But that's what I do, I suppose.
So what I consequently thought about after the fact were a few things:
1. I'm angry that I got upset about that and that I get upset about what people think/say but I'm MORE upset over the fact that I have a reason to know that what they are saying is wrong. I'm angry that this is part of my personal history. And I'm sort of angry I
2. Perhaps I'm more stressed about Dad coming subconsciously than I think. And maybe that's only a part of it. maybe it's also that I'm angry that I have to be worried about Dad coming to my wedding. Because people think he hasn't changed (which is what [I felt] the chunk of that discussion in class was saying: criminals can't change and prisons are shit [which they are a little bit]) so that could have been the nerve hit.
3. and finally, I have some really fabulous people in my life. I mean, seriously. There are a lot of people who care about me and not everyone can say that. I have a wonderful partner who knows that when I cry, it's not the end of the world. I have a mother who will talk to me for an entire car ride home about the same stuff we've been talking about for the past 15 years. I have glorious friends who know exactly what to say when I need them to say it. and I have teacher and mentors who care about me every step of the way - even when I'm out of their immediate surroundings or when I've just recently entered them. That's pretty awesome, if I do say so.
But even after these thoughts and even thinking about that class now...I get teary eyed. and it just reminds me that I have anger and I have frustration. and it needs to go somewhere. and I SHOULDN'T be embarrassed. and this is part of ME and who I am. and I should deal with it. somehow.
so here I sit, thinking about this and many other things (international women's day, gender neutral bathrooms, class, spring break, etc.) and i am simultaneously feeling grateful and sad. and that's odd. but I'm sitting with it and handling it. and I'm proud of that.
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