I apologize for lack of posts and then changing it up on you every time. Though this time was a total surprise and it makes me pretty happy :). And I also apologize that because I don't blog often (enough), my blogs end up like small novels. feel free to stop reading at any point that you become bored.
((still here? COOL!))
What have I been up to lately, you ask? (Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyway).
Well, I've been...
--getting 40-hour training for Illinois Rape Crisis Services. It's a pretty intense process and it leads me back to where I started this whole journey of social justice work and activism. It's sort of baffling to me how I've changed so much over the past 3 years and yet I find myself coming full circle to rape education, prevention, and survivor support. And the fact that I can find myself still so positive about all of that is extraordinary to me (particularly given my attention span). It also lets me think a lot about the ways in which my work is so greatly shaped by the fact that I started out in rape education. You see, for me, rape education and prevention is a tangible thing. It's not as abstract or theoretical as oppression theory or even the "simple" isms (i.e. racism, sexism, classism, ageism, etc.). It's something that happens and something should and needs to be done about it. That is not to say that the isms shouldn't be eradicated either, but I'm just saying that rape seems to be something sort of, kind of manageable (but yet, so overwhelmingly not. ugh). This tangibility and the fact that every rape is someone's individual story (whereas sometimes instances of an ism could be seen as something less individual, more institutional, etc.) leads me to approach all of these things with a sort of empathy as though I'm dealing solely with individuals. This may or may not be a problem. I don't know yet. it probably is a problem, or at least will be in the long run because the way I think about it requires me to assign a problem to someone/something I care about. Selfish, much? Anyway, re-approaching* the issue of rape from this stance has been sort of eye-opening and overall good (I think) for me to re-evaluate the ways in which I should approach the other issues I care about.
--Reading blogs...like it's my job (which in some ways, it sort of is). I REALLY enjoy blogs. I enjoy blogging. I enjoy everything about blogs, from the little tidbits of information you can glean unwittingly to the tone of blogs (which very much mimics my style of living - pretty casual and conversational). But sometimes those tidbits of information on blogs make me RAGE. Especially some of the articles on sites like Feministing.com and other feminist sites which highlight both wins in the realm of feminism but also EPIC FAILS in the fight to maintain a Just society. For instance, first thing this morning, Facebook notified me about this article on female genital mutilation that is occurring not only in the US, but IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH!? WHAT........THE..............FUCK! (and I say that with utmost respect to my readers). Seriously?! This article went viral through my newsfeed where every one of my Vagina Monologues Ladies picked up on it in outrage (clearly). It's this sort of shit that we think happens elsewhere and we spend time speaking out against when our own (probably overpaid) scholars our instigated and perpetuating it here....FUUUUUUUUUUUhhh. If this isn't enough to incite riots in the street (which it should) - Feministing also linked to Louisiana's new legislation require ultrasounds before abortions. Yes, please make this ultimately life-changing and excruciating decision (which in all likelihood was not a split second decision) that much more difficult for someone to bear. please. BUT not to bring you all down with such crap nonsense, there are also highlights, like a particularly intelligent woman who is graduating high school while doing an experiment that includes Seventeen Magazine. If you haven't read her blog about this, do it. You'll probably learn something (and fight adultism at the same time. Two-for-one - WIN!).
--Planning our move. We're moving in mid-July to a new (unfurnished) place. Which then requires us to make large purchases like a sofa, washer and dryer, desks, etc. On top of all of that, we are moving from 2 different locations, really. Here in Champbana and also our parents' houses. This complicates a lot of things, too. Not unmanageably, but just enough that it is kinda sorta stressful and requires a decent amount of foresight.
--more WEDDING stuff. I know, the phases of my wedding "planning" are so sporatic, it's ridiculous. BUT I have been doing some research on photogs (though I would love for Ms. Crystal Wasson to do our wedding as her first). I've also been scoping out some dress designs that I may or may not wanna wear. And also just trying to think about how we want the day to feel (which includes incessantly scoping out reception sites...annoying). This also includes reading A Practical Wedding (the blog that I've been doting on) habitually. Two years seems like such a long time (especially when I consider that the grad program that I haven't even started yet is a whole 2 years long).
--Working. At the job that I absolutely love and will miss dearly. Not because of the work so much - though I must say that getting to work within the realm of social justice, even if it is just scheduling rooms to have meetings about social justice is extremely rewarding work (for me...not for everyone) - but rather because of the people I get to work with daily. Seriously. My boss sent me a Dinosaur Comic which then led to me spending hours looking at more Dinosaur Comics. And that's just the sort of relationship we have. Which I love. It's going to suck when I have to have a legit business professional relationship with a boss (read: non-friendship) - I don't even know if I am capable of such things. Hurumph.
--Growing up. This is the worst part about what I've been doing which sort of encompasses all of the last points (duh) but also includes things like meeting up with friends from college for the last (or close to last) time before we all go our separate ways and figuring out budgets and savings. Planning for the next couple of years and realizing that, holy shit, I won't be living at Mom's house for a month over winter break and I may not be spending the night there on Christmas Eve. What?! I'm going to be inviting my parents and Ben's parents over to our place for dinners. Like adults do. We're going to have an office in this new place. *shudder*..*squeal*..I'm scared but super excited. What does that even mean? Is this a condition I should get checked out?
Anyway- I've decided that these novellas are ridiculously long, if not unfocused. I'm going to attempt (and I say this loosely) to make a list of blog topics. And perhaps institute a weekly or bi-weekly schedule. We'll see how this works out. be patient. I'm bad at habit forming and routine.
*Not that I ever left or stopped caring about the issue of rape, I just distanced myself for a bit. It's hard to do all of that work at once.
that's it. Whew! Did you make it! Did you skip some? (Be honest, it doesn't sting too bad).
Always and forever,
kaytlin
6.18.2010
5.28.2010
New musings...
So I'm back at it, little by little. I try to do it in small doses because it's really easy to get sucked up and sucked in. I've stumbled upon (not literally, though that is a possibility) a nifty little website that is extremely helpful when thinking about some of the more quirky, fun, non-traditional, yet practical ways to have a wonderful wedding. I've been thinking more and more about the different aspects of the wedding and I'm able to picture it a little bit better now, though not completely. There are a few things that Ben and I have been discussing:
a: iPod DJ. This means we aren't hiring a DJ...and it also means that we'll hear all of the music we want to hear and none of the music we don't (i.e. Stevie Nicks*/Country) - idea taken from the aforementioned website (as are quite a few of my musings.)
b. a different wedding reception site that is not your typical Southern Illinois fare - which means, perhaps, maybe, possibly getting out of a VFW/KFC/Auxiliary hall and into someplace that is more suited to Ben and me.The only A few of the problems are:
- limited radius of travel : we have quite a few older folks who may be attending this wedding. I'm not trying to make a whole group of people scurry into St. Louis.
- money: things cost money. period. nicer things cost more money.
- number of people: IDEALLY the wedding reception would be someplace artsy and somewhat intimate..but when you have quite a few attending, intimate quickly becomes stifling.
UGH. I just want someplace cool, hipster (*gasp, yes I said it*), trendy, quirky, fun, interesting,...you get the idea. I want a place that reflects who Ben and I are as a couple. (which is really what I want the whole wedding to be, hence the egalitarian nature/feminist leanings).
c. unique ideas for guestbook things: SO on this website I mentioned, there was this post about a photographer - actually there are lots of posts about lots of photographers** but this isn't about the photographer. This is about something that was the subject of a photo. The intercultural wedding that the photographer was taking pictures have utilized a watercolor painting of a tree (similar to something one might see in Chinese culture) and had their guests leave finger/thumb prints as the leaves of the tree. I don't think they had people signing by their finger/thumbprints but I think that would also be an interesting addition. I like this idea because I like the idea of having something that we could hang up and have around all the time as opposed to only a guest book (which I still like as well, for those priceless pieces of information that they are filled with) which would only be brought out once or twice and maybe later for posterity reasons. This painting idea is also pretty reflective of how I think about the people who will be invited to the wedding - they are all people who have left or are continuing to leave thumbprint on my mind and heart. (Isn't that just cheese-tastic!)
d. A LITTLE BIT of dresses. NOT MUCH. I'm not quite ready for that step yet, but we have been talking about it. We're planning a July wedding (thus far) and it probably gonna be HOT. Granted, we'll be inside. Still, I don't wanna sweat at all in that dress. for personal reasons. like I don't like sweat dripping into places it shouldn't. That's just nasty. So I'm weighing my options. and thinking about how I perhaps want to take a little bit of the tradition out of that, as well.
e. Good news: I've found a couple of options for photogs maybe. hopefully. Ones that may work within our budget and do the kind of work I want. HUZZAH!
It's interesting to me how when I have a bit of free time (i.e. Summer break) my mind drifts to this wedding stuff even though we still have TWO YEARS and there are things that are much more pressing at hand - for instance, us moving in two MONTHS. I have a whole new planning space that I should be planning out and I should be playing interior designer now. And I am, a little. But it always drifts back to the wedding. which in some ways is disappointing. I'm antsy and a little sad that it is so far away, though I know that I would be ten times worse with my mind preoccupation if it were any closer. Part of me want to just go to the courthouse but I know that I would miss that family/friends presence. I think that's the part that excites me more than anything (besides the photographer capturing the day) is knowing that this is something I get to share with the people I love the most. I'm so sentimental, sometimes.
Oh well. It'll all come together. It has thus far. And things keep changing. Who knows, maybe one day there will be a blog that says SURPRISE, WE'RE MARRIED - but don't count on it. I've got checks and balances to my madness, I promise.
* Stevie Nicks (aside from Fleetwood Mac) has a voice that grates my eardrums and has the potential to make them bleed. She sounds like a lamb (to quote Kara from AI...**deepsigh**) and it bugs the hell out of me. There will be no Stevie Nicks so for those of you who thought you were going to hear "Landslide"..sorry, find another wedding.
**Have I mentioned how much I love wedding photography. Perhaps once or twice.
That's it for now, everyone. Happy musings.
Hugs,
Kaytlin
a: iPod DJ. This means we aren't hiring a DJ...and it also means that we'll hear all of the music we want to hear and none of the music we don't (i.e. Stevie Nicks*/Country) - idea taken from the aforementioned website (as are quite a few of my musings.)
b. a different wedding reception site that is not your typical Southern Illinois fare - which means, perhaps, maybe, possibly getting out of a VFW/KFC/Auxiliary hall and into someplace that is more suited to Ben and me.
- limited radius of travel : we have quite a few older folks who may be attending this wedding. I'm not trying to make a whole group of people scurry into St. Louis.
- money: things cost money. period. nicer things cost more money.
- number of people: IDEALLY the wedding reception would be someplace artsy and somewhat intimate..but when you have quite a few attending, intimate quickly becomes stifling.
UGH. I just want someplace cool, hipster (*gasp, yes I said it*), trendy, quirky, fun, interesting,...you get the idea. I want a place that reflects who Ben and I are as a couple. (which is really what I want the whole wedding to be, hence the egalitarian nature/feminist leanings).
c. unique ideas for guestbook things: SO on this website I mentioned, there was this post about a photographer - actually there are lots of posts about lots of photographers** but this isn't about the photographer. This is about something that was the subject of a photo. The intercultural wedding that the photographer was taking pictures have utilized a watercolor painting of a tree (similar to something one might see in Chinese culture) and had their guests leave finger/thumb prints as the leaves of the tree. I don't think they had people signing by their finger/thumbprints but I think that would also be an interesting addition. I like this idea because I like the idea of having something that we could hang up and have around all the time as opposed to only a guest book (which I still like as well, for those priceless pieces of information that they are filled with) which would only be brought out once or twice and maybe later for posterity reasons. This painting idea is also pretty reflective of how I think about the people who will be invited to the wedding - they are all people who have left or are continuing to leave thumbprint on my mind and heart. (Isn't that just cheese-tastic!)
d. A LITTLE BIT of dresses. NOT MUCH. I'm not quite ready for that step yet, but we have been talking about it. We're planning a July wedding (thus far) and it probably gonna be HOT. Granted, we'll be inside. Still, I don't wanna sweat at all in that dress. for personal reasons. like I don't like sweat dripping into places it shouldn't. That's just nasty. So I'm weighing my options. and thinking about how I perhaps want to take a little bit of the tradition out of that, as well.
e. Good news: I've found a couple of options for photogs maybe. hopefully. Ones that may work within our budget and do the kind of work I want. HUZZAH!
It's interesting to me how when I have a bit of free time (i.e. Summer break) my mind drifts to this wedding stuff even though we still have TWO YEARS and there are things that are much more pressing at hand - for instance, us moving in two MONTHS. I have a whole new planning space that I should be planning out and I should be playing interior designer now. And I am, a little. But it always drifts back to the wedding. which in some ways is disappointing. I'm antsy and a little sad that it is so far away, though I know that I would be ten times worse with my mind preoccupation if it were any closer. Part of me want to just go to the courthouse but I know that I would miss that family/friends presence. I think that's the part that excites me more than anything (besides the photographer capturing the day) is knowing that this is something I get to share with the people I love the most. I'm so sentimental, sometimes.
Oh well. It'll all come together. It has thus far. And things keep changing. Who knows, maybe one day there will be a blog that says SURPRISE, WE'RE MARRIED - but don't count on it. I've got checks and balances to my madness, I promise.
* Stevie Nicks (aside from Fleetwood Mac) has a voice that grates my eardrums and has the potential to make them bleed. She sounds like a lamb (to quote Kara from AI...**deepsigh**) and it bugs the hell out of me. There will be no Stevie Nicks so for those of you who thought you were going to hear "Landslide"..sorry, find another wedding.
**Have I mentioned how much I love wedding photography. Perhaps once or twice.
That's it for now, everyone. Happy musings.
Hugs,
Kaytlin
5.19.2010
Life Changing events
Well, we're graduated (mostly)! It was a pretty intense weekend full of caps, gowns, tassels, pictures, and traditions. I was reminded why I don't want a traditional wedding - it's BORING. haha, but it was fun, and I got to see my papa and one of my brothers. My mama and the grandparentals came up Saturday which was wonderful. I really love my family (when they are separate...the wedding is going to be a whole other story).
So I say we graduated mostly because Ben is still taking another class. He's finishing up his business minor this summer and then he'll be completely done. Luckily he'll have a few weeks of break before we have to pack up and head south to our new abode.
Turns out, I graduated with High Distinction from GWS which is pretty exciting. It hasn't really hit me yet that I'm done with undergrad. I imagine it won't happen til I move, but I figured I could do some thanks and such now...because it is official and all.
So first off, thanks to my mama. She's been my rock these past four years, from her driving 2.5 hours on a random Saturday morning to get coffee with me because I missed her so much to helping us move and everything in between. I've talked to her nearly everyday of this journey and she always knew what to say (and sometimes what not to say). Even though neither one of was really sure what we were getting into, we both made it and sometimes (only sometimes) I think she deserves the diploma just as much as I do (then I remember all the papers I wrote...and I think otherwise..;)...haha)
Then comes Ben: Ben has definitely been here for me all along. Sometimes it seems amazing and surreal that we've made it this far together. When a lot of people aren't even starting their lives together until now, it seems like we've lived a lifetime. seriously...and we aren't even married yet (as if you didn't know). I don't know that I can even begin to thank him enough for all he's done for me.
Then to my campus family:
Anna, my love: I would be long gone if it weren't for her. legit. While we've only been besties for about 2 years..it almost seems like 20. There's never a moment I won't/can't/don't share with her. Her family has taken me with the greatest hospitality. Our family dinners are reminiscent of my family dinners back home and our few heart-to-hearts were also much needed and always helpful. Luckily, this lady is one of my bridesmaids so I'll have plenty of excuses to see her after we graduate. (which is good because if I didn't, I would just have to make up excuses).
Courtney, babe! Even though she's not on campus, we've been there for each other the whole time...seriously through some of the toughest stuff people can go through. And we made it. Plus, now SHE'S engaged, too. Whoa..it's like we're growing up and becoming adults or something (which, by the way, I'm morally opposed to and refuse to do. It's in complete contradiction of my life goals, which include being a kid forever). I'm looking forward to moving back home so we can get back into the swing of things and start a crazy adventure of whatever comes next.
Joshua, he's the guy that I didn't have to talk to but once or twice a semester, but when we did see each other, it was the most fun, relaxing, crazy, awesome, lovely, at-home feeling ever. He was always the release I needed. As he once said "Our friendship is like riding a bike, we never miss a beat." - or something that was equally touching, if not confusing. he's like the brother that...well, I had..but didn't have. He's like another brother. yeah. that's it.
Jim...always keeping me on my toes. All the time.Which is good. and hilarious. I love him. I have always loved him. Since 4th grade when we became best friends..and have remained ever since (which is an intensely long relationship, btw.) I've said all I've needed to say to him over the years..and it's all true. and still holds true. And he knows it.
The rest of my extended family (new and old) - BSue, Katie, RaRa, Michelle, Megan, Bethany, JennScott (oneword), and all those you other wonderful WONDERFUL people - just a general thank you for writing on my facebook wall and giving me something to smile about. For having a personality that keeps me happy. For allowing me surround myself with positivity. And for keeping me on my game.
finally, my mentors:
Ross... I joke that he has single handedly changed my 4 year plan. And actually, it's not a joke. It's true. hardcore style. From the moment I met him, I knew that I was about to embark on something excited (which is what FYCARE was). And then he proceeded to believe in me enough to open up a plethora of opportunities from leading a crusade to get a women's center to getting FOIA'ed, from being nominated and selected for the excellence in leadership award to working on my ally skills and becoming a voice of social justice. I actually don't know what I would be doing with my life if I hadn't met him. I would probably be doing something that I hate doing in psychology, being anti-social, and perhaps not even on this campus. I think I can also speak for Ben when I say he has been a huge mentor in Ben's life as well. Our relationship is healthier because of some of the ideas that Ross introduced and we are both better people for it. I definitely would not be the force to be reckoned with that I am now. and you can stick that in your email and FOIA it!
Teryl ...I'm sorta sad that we just got to start working together the last semester of college, but she's definitely been my mama here on campus. I know that I can go be safe in her office. I can bitch about my day...and it's likely that she's having a similar issue. She takes care of me and makes sure that everything is going well...something I need every now and again.
Professor Gill...I only had her 2 semesters but she was perhaps the most interesting, fun-loving, and encouraging professor I've ever had. She did for me in my last 2 years what professor Pintar did for me my freshman year: she inspired me to be critical.
Clearly this is not everyone who has had an awesome impact on my life..but right now (literally in this moment) I'm feeling particularly grateful to these people. More than half of these people don't actually read my blog and for those of you reading for the purposes of figuring out what a feminist wedding looks like, I'm sorry that I've been on hiatus from wedding plan (though I have started looking at wedding dresses and figuring out what I want to do with that - traditional white, non-traditional, ball gown, wedding gowns, fun summer dress..the option are endless). For those of you who DO read this blog and if you know ANY of the people I've mentioned, you should consider yourself fortunate. Extremely fortunate. Like you should tell them how grateful you are to know them because these are awesome people.
If you are one of the people who I mentioned and read this blog, thanks again, from the bottom of my heart. You clearly make my world and I owe at least part of my success to you.
For now, until more wedding news (which may be some dress ideas as well as some ideas for receptions and things), good night and count your blessing..i've counted a few of mine.
hugs,
kaytlin
So I say we graduated mostly because Ben is still taking another class. He's finishing up his business minor this summer and then he'll be completely done. Luckily he'll have a few weeks of break before we have to pack up and head south to our new abode.
Turns out, I graduated with High Distinction from GWS which is pretty exciting. It hasn't really hit me yet that I'm done with undergrad. I imagine it won't happen til I move, but I figured I could do some thanks and such now...because it is official and all.
So first off, thanks to my mama. She's been my rock these past four years, from her driving 2.5 hours on a random Saturday morning to get coffee with me because I missed her so much to helping us move and everything in between. I've talked to her nearly everyday of this journey and she always knew what to say (and sometimes what not to say). Even though neither one of was really sure what we were getting into, we both made it and sometimes (only sometimes) I think she deserves the diploma just as much as I do (then I remember all the papers I wrote...and I think otherwise..;)...haha)
Then comes Ben: Ben has definitely been here for me all along. Sometimes it seems amazing and surreal that we've made it this far together. When a lot of people aren't even starting their lives together until now, it seems like we've lived a lifetime. seriously...and we aren't even married yet (as if you didn't know). I don't know that I can even begin to thank him enough for all he's done for me.
Then to my campus family:
Anna, my love: I would be long gone if it weren't for her. legit. While we've only been besties for about 2 years..it almost seems like 20. There's never a moment I won't/can't/don't share with her. Her family has taken me with the greatest hospitality. Our family dinners are reminiscent of my family dinners back home and our few heart-to-hearts were also much needed and always helpful. Luckily, this lady is one of my bridesmaids so I'll have plenty of excuses to see her after we graduate. (which is good because if I didn't, I would just have to make up excuses).
Courtney, babe! Even though she's not on campus, we've been there for each other the whole time...seriously through some of the toughest stuff people can go through. And we made it. Plus, now SHE'S engaged, too. Whoa..it's like we're growing up and becoming adults or something (which, by the way, I'm morally opposed to and refuse to do. It's in complete contradiction of my life goals, which include being a kid forever). I'm looking forward to moving back home so we can get back into the swing of things and start a crazy adventure of whatever comes next.
Joshua, he's the guy that I didn't have to talk to but once or twice a semester, but when we did see each other, it was the most fun, relaxing, crazy, awesome, lovely, at-home feeling ever. He was always the release I needed. As he once said "Our friendship is like riding a bike, we never miss a beat." - or something that was equally touching, if not confusing. he's like the brother that...well, I had..but didn't have. He's like another brother. yeah. that's it.
Jim...always keeping me on my toes. All the time.Which is good. and hilarious. I love him. I have always loved him. Since 4th grade when we became best friends..and have remained ever since (which is an intensely long relationship, btw.) I've said all I've needed to say to him over the years..and it's all true. and still holds true. And he knows it.
The rest of my extended family (new and old) - BSue, Katie, RaRa, Michelle, Megan, Bethany, JennScott (oneword), and all those you other wonderful WONDERFUL people - just a general thank you for writing on my facebook wall and giving me something to smile about. For having a personality that keeps me happy. For allowing me surround myself with positivity. And for keeping me on my game.
finally, my mentors:
Ross... I joke that he has single handedly changed my 4 year plan. And actually, it's not a joke. It's true. hardcore style. From the moment I met him, I knew that I was about to embark on something excited (which is what FYCARE was). And then he proceeded to believe in me enough to open up a plethora of opportunities from leading a crusade to get a women's center to getting FOIA'ed, from being nominated and selected for the excellence in leadership award to working on my ally skills and becoming a voice of social justice. I actually don't know what I would be doing with my life if I hadn't met him. I would probably be doing something that I hate doing in psychology, being anti-social, and perhaps not even on this campus. I think I can also speak for Ben when I say he has been a huge mentor in Ben's life as well. Our relationship is healthier because of some of the ideas that Ross introduced and we are both better people for it. I definitely would not be the force to be reckoned with that I am now. and you can stick that in your email and FOIA it!
Teryl ...I'm sorta sad that we just got to start working together the last semester of college, but she's definitely been my mama here on campus. I know that I can go be safe in her office. I can bitch about my day...and it's likely that she's having a similar issue. She takes care of me and makes sure that everything is going well...something I need every now and again.
Professor Gill...I only had her 2 semesters but she was perhaps the most interesting, fun-loving, and encouraging professor I've ever had. She did for me in my last 2 years what professor Pintar did for me my freshman year: she inspired me to be critical.
Clearly this is not everyone who has had an awesome impact on my life..but right now (literally in this moment) I'm feeling particularly grateful to these people. More than half of these people don't actually read my blog and for those of you reading for the purposes of figuring out what a feminist wedding looks like, I'm sorry that I've been on hiatus from wedding plan (though I have started looking at wedding dresses and figuring out what I want to do with that - traditional white, non-traditional, ball gown, wedding gowns, fun summer dress..the option are endless). For those of you who DO read this blog and if you know ANY of the people I've mentioned, you should consider yourself fortunate. Extremely fortunate. Like you should tell them how grateful you are to know them because these are awesome people.
If you are one of the people who I mentioned and read this blog, thanks again, from the bottom of my heart. You clearly make my world and I owe at least part of my success to you.
For now, until more wedding news (which may be some dress ideas as well as some ideas for receptions and things), good night and count your blessing..i've counted a few of mine.
hugs,
kaytlin
4.21.2010
A little break from weddings...
We've taken a little hiatus from wedding planning period. I haven't even looked at wedding stuff in a while - though we did get all of our invitations and thank you notes purchased, thank you very much.
No, this blog is about the wonderful evening I just spent with Jessica Valenti (from the blog Feministing) and Jaclyn Friedman, the co-editors of Yes Means Yes, a kickass anthology of pro-sex, anti-rape work. Now, not only are these women awesome and inspiring but they were really funny and gave me some things to think about.
First of all, I should start out by saying that not much in the presentation/discussion was something I hadn't already heard/seen/read somewhere before. That being said, it was presented excellently. It also makes me wonder, as someone who is an anti-rape activist/advocate (can you tell I'm loving the backslash this evening?) what I have to contribute to the body of work that is out there. Is there something I can contribute or will I simply be a broken record of things that have already been said? I think there are things I can contribute for sure, but what form will that come in? I always joke that I want to infiltrate the school systems with feminist thought and comprehensive sex ed (which they both talk about a lot and made my heart smile), but is that enough. What if I want to reach more people? Will I have something unique to say? Does that even matter? What about the work I'm doing here (work being a slightly dramatic word for blogging)? Does that count? My ideas aren't really new - but they might be to someone, right? Ugh, the questions.
It also is simultaneously frustrating and awe-inspiring to be surrounded by "forward thinkers" - those that challenge the rape culture because I want to have ideas, but damnit, they are already taken. haha..I'm just kidding, kind of...but it does make me wonder where my voice is.
Secondly...and this may answer a lot of my questions that I just posed to myself but then again, I could again be repeating something that is already going on somewhere else...Jaclyn said something tonight that made me think about anti-rape organizations and the work they do and how, in order to really begin the shift of rethinking masculinity as a culture and to begin dismantling something we've had in place for so long, we need a "critical mass" of people to join the cause.
which leads me to my next train of thought - THAT SHOULD BE A ORGANIZATION'S NAME!..it makes perfect sense. I want to start a group (perhaps at Wash U when I go there, instead of trying to do something here in 2 weeks) called Critical Mass. the mission would be to inform and educate as many people as possible to help the culture reach a critical mass of people working again sexual violence. I think it's catchy. and we would have shirts - possibly hoodies (that's why people join groups anyway).
Tonight also made me reflect on some of the work I've been fortunate enough to do surrounding sexual violence, but it also made me reflect on the work I haven't done, or have fallen out of. It's weird to think that I got where I am now, doing the work I do because of sexual violence prevention education. It was my in to all things social justice. Now, I do very little work that directly impacts sexual assault. Which makes me sad, in a way. Sure, I'm doing a lot of social justice things, being an ally and all which helps the overall culture of oppression which feeds into rape culture BUT what am I doing to actively address this specific issue of violence that got me started in the first place? Why have I become disconnected? MORE QUESTIONS..
Anyway, it was a wonderful evening with a wonderful chat full of disturbing images and examples of the culture I live in. Personally, I think things like Purity Balls and Abstinence contracts should be outlawed - Purity Balls reek of pedophilia to me. I am disturbed by our society's simultaneous infatuation and fear of sex. Being that wishy-washy about something can't be healthy. As well as the fact that the information that our society presents in biased by gender.
Which is why I like the idea of a feminist wedding and raising feminist children (of which there were 2 before the presentation tonight, you can follow the dad that brought them there on twitter at rebeldad) - we can start with these things that are taken for granted in society : patriarchal weddings, gendering our children, and make a difference to someone, somewhere.
I often wonder if I will ever make a difference in someone's life like my mentors have done for me. I can only hope...but who says you can't start with your own kids, right?
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the rape culture, feminism, and gendering for now. I need to go read some crossdressing memoirs now...
hugs,
kaytlin
No, this blog is about the wonderful evening I just spent with Jessica Valenti (from the blog Feministing) and Jaclyn Friedman, the co-editors of Yes Means Yes, a kickass anthology of pro-sex, anti-rape work. Now, not only are these women awesome and inspiring but they were really funny and gave me some things to think about.
First of all, I should start out by saying that not much in the presentation/discussion was something I hadn't already heard/seen/read somewhere before. That being said, it was presented excellently. It also makes me wonder, as someone who is an anti-rape activist/advocate (can you tell I'm loving the backslash this evening?) what I have to contribute to the body of work that is out there. Is there something I can contribute or will I simply be a broken record of things that have already been said? I think there are things I can contribute for sure, but what form will that come in? I always joke that I want to infiltrate the school systems with feminist thought and comprehensive sex ed (which they both talk about a lot and made my heart smile), but is that enough. What if I want to reach more people? Will I have something unique to say? Does that even matter? What about the work I'm doing here (work being a slightly dramatic word for blogging)? Does that count? My ideas aren't really new - but they might be to someone, right? Ugh, the questions.
It also is simultaneously frustrating and awe-inspiring to be surrounded by "forward thinkers" - those that challenge the rape culture because I want to have ideas, but damnit, they are already taken. haha..I'm just kidding, kind of...but it does make me wonder where my voice is.
Secondly...and this may answer a lot of my questions that I just posed to myself but then again, I could again be repeating something that is already going on somewhere else...Jaclyn said something tonight that made me think about anti-rape organizations and the work they do and how, in order to really begin the shift of rethinking masculinity as a culture and to begin dismantling something we've had in place for so long, we need a "critical mass" of people to join the cause.
which leads me to my next train of thought - THAT SHOULD BE A ORGANIZATION'S NAME!..it makes perfect sense. I want to start a group (perhaps at Wash U when I go there, instead of trying to do something here in 2 weeks) called Critical Mass. the mission would be to inform and educate as many people as possible to help the culture reach a critical mass of people working again sexual violence. I think it's catchy. and we would have shirts - possibly hoodies (that's why people join groups anyway).
Tonight also made me reflect on some of the work I've been fortunate enough to do surrounding sexual violence, but it also made me reflect on the work I haven't done, or have fallen out of. It's weird to think that I got where I am now, doing the work I do because of sexual violence prevention education. It was my in to all things social justice. Now, I do very little work that directly impacts sexual assault. Which makes me sad, in a way. Sure, I'm doing a lot of social justice things, being an ally and all which helps the overall culture of oppression which feeds into rape culture BUT what am I doing to actively address this specific issue of violence that got me started in the first place? Why have I become disconnected? MORE QUESTIONS..
Anyway, it was a wonderful evening with a wonderful chat full of disturbing images and examples of the culture I live in. Personally, I think things like Purity Balls and Abstinence contracts should be outlawed - Purity Balls reek of pedophilia to me. I am disturbed by our society's simultaneous infatuation and fear of sex. Being that wishy-washy about something can't be healthy. As well as the fact that the information that our society presents in biased by gender.
Which is why I like the idea of a feminist wedding and raising feminist children (of which there were 2 before the presentation tonight, you can follow the dad that brought them there on twitter at rebeldad) - we can start with these things that are taken for granted in society : patriarchal weddings, gendering our children, and make a difference to someone, somewhere.
I often wonder if I will ever make a difference in someone's life like my mentors have done for me. I can only hope...but who says you can't start with your own kids, right?
Anyway, those are my thoughts on the rape culture, feminism, and gendering for now. I need to go read some crossdressing memoirs now...
hugs,
kaytlin
4.13.2010
Conversing
I've been lucky enough to have a lot of support and interest from people in my life about this whole wedding thing. Yesterday I had the great pleasure of discussing feminist weddings with a friend of mine from my senior seminar. She, too, is a betrothed feminist (I would say engaged feminist, but that can have other meanings, too). It was really interesting talking to her because we both have very different approaches to our weddings but overall, our ideas of marriage are similar.
We were discussing some of the questions people have asked us (and she has had a lot more questions than I have). It's amazing what people come up with. It's astonishing how many people are happy that we're getting married, but when we question the traditions of marriage - people question why we're getting married. It's sort of ironic. Something is strange about people happy for you to do something but only in a certain way. Why can't we do this how we want to, DAMNIT!
Anyway. we on a little hiatus of wedding planning seeing as we're in the closing weeks of the semester. It's a little hectic right now between activism and finals and papers and madness. I'm really looking forward to the end. Although, I'm feeling bits and pieces of that detachment from the people here. *deep sigh*
Alas, we are still working on our place to stay - i.e. signing the lease, figuring the logistics of moving in, etc. Also slightly stressful.
I'm going to stop complaining now. It's been a really awesome day - and I have to keep reminding myself to take these things one day at a time. As much as I'm looking forward to the end, I gotta remember to appreciate them. Cheesy, right? .....yeah. eh.
that's it for now. stay tuned.
We were discussing some of the questions people have asked us (and she has had a lot more questions than I have). It's amazing what people come up with. It's astonishing how many people are happy that we're getting married, but when we question the traditions of marriage - people question why we're getting married. It's sort of ironic. Something is strange about people happy for you to do something but only in a certain way. Why can't we do this how we want to, DAMNIT!
Anyway. we on a little hiatus of wedding planning seeing as we're in the closing weeks of the semester. It's a little hectic right now between activism and finals and papers and madness. I'm really looking forward to the end. Although, I'm feeling bits and pieces of that detachment from the people here. *deep sigh*
Alas, we are still working on our place to stay - i.e. signing the lease, figuring the logistics of moving in, etc. Also slightly stressful.
I'm going to stop complaining now. It's been a really awesome day - and I have to keep reminding myself to take these things one day at a time. As much as I'm looking forward to the end, I gotta remember to appreciate them. Cheesy, right? .....yeah. eh.
that's it for now. stay tuned.
4.02.2010
Great news!
I found out last night that cousin Marv can do our engagement photos! Huzzah! That's what I really care about a lot (not that I don't care about the wedding pictures...) so that's VERY exciting. It really made my night last night when I found that out.
It's also Good Friday, so we're going home this evening and tomorrow is going to be an insane day...hopefully. I'm going to be dyeing Easter eggs, having a potential walk-through of the house again, and making it to SIUE to make some copies for a friend. Not to mention all of the preparing that we'll probably have to do for Sunday. None of this is wedding stuff, though I'm sure at some point - it will creep in there. It tends to do that.
I'm also Ally of the month this month. Which is pretty exciting and it's an honor I'm really proud of. It's also Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Ben's super involved being the president of Men Against Sexual Violence. I'm pretty lucky to have found a guy who's a feminist and will openly call himself a feminist and will speak at rallies and such. Which is also what makes this feminist wedding thing infinitely better. I know that I'm not just doing this stuff and he couldn't care less either way...he wants it to happen, too.
Well, anyway - just wanted to give that brief update on the state of pictures. If anyone has suggestions for photographers (that aren't pricey) or knows how to use a good camera and has a bit of artistic inclination...let me know.
hugs,
Kaytlin
It's also Good Friday, so we're going home this evening and tomorrow is going to be an insane day...hopefully. I'm going to be dyeing Easter eggs, having a potential walk-through of the house again, and making it to SIUE to make some copies for a friend. Not to mention all of the preparing that we'll probably have to do for Sunday. None of this is wedding stuff, though I'm sure at some point - it will creep in there. It tends to do that.
I'm also Ally of the month this month. Which is pretty exciting and it's an honor I'm really proud of. It's also Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Ben's super involved being the president of Men Against Sexual Violence. I'm pretty lucky to have found a guy who's a feminist and will openly call himself a feminist and will speak at rallies and such. Which is also what makes this feminist wedding thing infinitely better. I know that I'm not just doing this stuff and he couldn't care less either way...he wants it to happen, too.
Well, anyway - just wanted to give that brief update on the state of pictures. If anyone has suggestions for photographers (that aren't pricey) or knows how to use a good camera and has a bit of artistic inclination...let me know.
hugs,
Kaytlin
3.31.2010
Am I doing this right?
So we're still trucking along...it was sorta strange being back at school because people are still congratulating us (which is nice, no doubt) but it's been like a week and a half now...and I'm not used to all that. Plus, I have to get my head back in the game - the game of school that is.
That is also difficult when I've been inundated with potentially buying a house *gasp* and also receiving my financial aid package from Wash U...which is very exciting but also kind of overwhelming. I don't know what these things mean for my future. It's all very confusing with a lot of steps that I haven't thought about before - obviously because we've never done this before.
Also, I got a littlefrustrated perturbed upset when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do for pictures for this whole shebang (where did that word come from?). I wanted cousin Marv to do them but as it turns out he doesn't do weddings anymore...and I don't think know we can't afford his cohorts' prices so now we have to turn to someone else. Let me just say, as I've mentioned previously, pictures may be one of the only things that I will insist must be done right. Everything else (at this point) can be or do whatever..the photographs are important to me...is that a Bride-zilla moment? How un-feminist is that?
This whole feminist wedding thing has been uber-conscious lately, too. Especially given that I'm in a lot (read: all) gender studies classes. It's kind of weird in some classes to go in there and talk about gender justice or the queer community, or radicalism and then be engaged. I mean, I like being engaged...love being engaged. I love Ben...however...in some ways I feel like a poser or something. I don't know - it's hard to negotiate and it's also hard to explain what I'm doing to alleviate the marriage traditions and oppression. Mostly because the things we're doing seem so small in comparison to the world of hurt that is out there. I mean, I know that no one expects us to uproot the whole institution...but I feel like I'm constantly on the search to be doing more. And when there are things that I do want to do (i.e. have a bouquet) and I don't really know the symbolism behind those things (though I think bouquets have something to do with minimal showering in the middle ages or something) - I don't know what I'm perpetuating. I don't want to be frowned upon and I just want to be able to revel in happiness...but it's a lot of pressure. I want to be really excited but I'm also not really like that. I'm not a giddy person. I don't generally like giddy people. I don't know how to react. Blargh: That's how I'm going react to everything.
To leave this note on a happy one: I asked Anna yesterday. And while she can't really talk because she's lost her voice..I'm pretty sure she was excited. That's my side of the wedding party down. Ben, I'm pretty sure, is 0 for 2...though I'm sure his side knows who they are. I guess we still have 2 years but hey - you can't ever have enough time (or can you?)
That is also difficult when I've been inundated with potentially buying a house *gasp* and also receiving my financial aid package from Wash U...which is very exciting but also kind of overwhelming. I don't know what these things mean for my future. It's all very confusing with a lot of steps that I haven't thought about before - obviously because we've never done this before.
Also, I got a little
This whole feminist wedding thing has been uber-conscious lately, too. Especially given that I'm in a lot (read: all) gender studies classes. It's kind of weird in some classes to go in there and talk about gender justice or the queer community, or radicalism and then be engaged. I mean, I like being engaged...love being engaged. I love Ben...however...in some ways I feel like a poser or something. I don't know - it's hard to negotiate and it's also hard to explain what I'm doing to alleviate the marriage traditions and oppression. Mostly because the things we're doing seem so small in comparison to the world of hurt that is out there. I mean, I know that no one expects us to uproot the whole institution...but I feel like I'm constantly on the search to be doing more. And when there are things that I do want to do (i.e. have a bouquet) and I don't really know the symbolism behind those things (though I think bouquets have something to do with minimal showering in the middle ages or something) - I don't know what I'm perpetuating. I don't want to be frowned upon and I just want to be able to revel in happiness...but it's a lot of pressure. I want to be really excited but I'm also not really like that. I'm not a giddy person. I don't generally like giddy people. I don't know how to react. Blargh: That's how I'm going react to everything.
To leave this note on a happy one: I asked Anna yesterday. And while she can't really talk because she's lost her voice..I'm pretty sure she was excited. That's my side of the wedding party down. Ben, I'm pretty sure, is 0 for 2...though I'm sure his side knows who they are. I guess we still have 2 years but hey - you can't ever have enough time (or can you?)
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